Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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