I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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