Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
