oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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