Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
