As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
