Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
