Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
