Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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