I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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