I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
