Your tits are I can't wait for
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
