and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
