Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
