so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
