Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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