The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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