You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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