my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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