you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
