Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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