something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
