Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
