I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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