Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
