I wish I could punch you in the face.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
