What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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