porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He did a backflip because drugs
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