So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He has the fingertips of a God
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