So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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