new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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