It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
