i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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