Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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