I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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