Your face is a jimmy john
I think my fart just growled at me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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