My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
