I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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