I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
