if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
