I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
