I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
