You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
