I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
