CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
