I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
