a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
