alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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