Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
