Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
