oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
