i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
