how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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