just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
