He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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