apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ketchup is God's man juice
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
