Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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